20 Real things every woman should realise about men: A Christian view on Love and Relationships.

 

So I was recently linked to an awful page that tried to make men out to women as lustful stupid beasts.  Well my aim in this post is to change that view. I want to encourage especially Christian couples, that is not the way a man and a woman should view each other. But if you are a non-believer, I want you to see that is not good enough either.

So here are the 20 points coming up:

1. He Loves you as Christ loved the Church.

Every man in a Christian relationship should love you as Christ loved the Church that means, that with every fibre in his being and even to the point of giving his life for you, that should be how much he loves you. This does not mean you don’t love him. You love him back just as much, that is the key to love in the Christian relationship.

2. Be subject to him.

I know you have instantly gasped or may even have thought of not reading anymore, but this point does not give your partner the right to dominate you or abuse you. You need to be there for him, be a support for him. He too needs to support you, show him how to support by being there for him.

3. Worship together.

You can not underestimate the power of worshipping together, attending church together. This is a key aspect to the relationship, keep your worship relationship with God good and you will find the relationship between you is good as well.

4. Pray with him.

Praying together is so important, sometimes it may feel like the world is against your relationship or you are going through tough times, remember that as Christians you can take it to the Lord and he will help you. Take it to the Lord in prayer. Together.

5. Enjoy each others company.

You are Christians but that doesn’t mean you can’t spend time together, you do not need to always be doing things for the Church, or trying to convert thousands together, if you want to stay at home and watch a Rom-Com, you do it. This is especially true for Newly weds.

6. Sex is not evil.

Sex is an important part of a Christian marriage, and only marriage. That is what makes it so special, when you find the person you are to spend the rest of your life with them and you get to spend the most intimate time together. Cherish that. It is not evil but instead a gift from God.

7. Do not feel forced to have sex.

However do not feel that you need to obey your husbands command for sex. Remember, submit to your husband but do not allow yourself to be abused. No does mean no, especially in a Christian relationship. Make sure if you are to have sex that you both consent. Love should be at the heart of sex, not the lustful desires of one side being fulfilled.

8. Read the Bible with him.

The Bible is the Word of God. It is our way of hearing from God’s word when we read together. Therefore it is important to do it together, as you learn as you read it on your own, so you learn as a couple when you read together.

9. Be careful who you take advice from.

Do not allow too many people into the relationship. If you have an argument or a fall out, try to work it out together. If not bring in trusted friends preferably one man and one woman, maybe your Pastor and his wife.

10. Pray about children.

Not all couples want children, and it is certainly not a requirement for a Christian relationship but it may be something that you need to pray on and prepare for. Then seek that God would bless you with Children.

11. It is not ok for him to cheat.

Do not accept if he has cheated on you. You are worth more through Christ. You should be the only woman in his life, he should act that way towards you, respect you by only loving you.

12. Help him if he is addicted to pornography

If you come across a website or dodgy subscriptions which suggest a porn addiction, do not dismiss him straight away. Help him. Support him. It is as addictive as a drug. Help in anyway you can. Do not feel guilty, you have not done anything wrong. Only walk away, if he refuses to change, or he is has crossed a line in the things he views.

13. It is ok for you to have different friends.

Unlike the movies that suggest Christian couples are connected by the hip, you can and should have different friends. It is good for your social life but also relives some of the pressure that come with being around your partner.

14. Be prepared to rebuke.

Men don’t always get it right. Sometimes it will be your responsibility to stand up and tell him what he is doing or saying is wrong. Do not however do this in a proud and arrogant way. Do it with love and desire to care for him, in preventing him from doing wrong.

15. Trust is crucial.

As in any relationship trust is key. You need to trust him as he needs to trust you. As a couple you should work on this together, do not allow things to get between you and discuss together if anything troubles you.

16. Do not try to overpower him.

It is not good for you to try overpower and undermine him as person. This is only because it creates rifts in the relationship and puts barriers up. Understand that you can rebuke him, but do not try to make him feel worthless. He is loved by Christ as much as you.

17. Always have faith in his abilities.

Always trust and have faith that he will do well. Trust that God will bless him and all he does. This does not mean sit back, watch and laugh at the times he may fail, but instead pray for him and be there to help him up from a fall.

18. Stand next to him through good and bad.

Eve was created from Adams side. These means you need to stand side by side with your partner. Not just through the smooth and good times but when it is hard and tough. You need to support him, as he does you. You support best when standing next to him.

19. Do not judge his past.

All Christians have a past. He may have had a sexual history. But do not hold that against him. Jesus doesn’t so neither should you. Remember that you too will have done things that you may have done wrong and you may not like it if he starts to judge you for that.

20. Remember he is a sinner too.

He will make mistakes. But then so will you. You are sinners and certainly not perfect. Make reasonable allowances for this. Do not bite his head off for every little thing, instead walk alongside him and help him from stumbling into sin, as he should do the same for you.

I hope this has helped, Please find the link to the original blog post here: http://wallstreetinsanity.com/50-things-every-woman-should-realize-about-men/

 

Any questions feel free to comment.

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God bless

Gareth

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Valentine’s day: a day of love.

Valentine’s day. What can you say really. Fluffy teddies with love hearts everywhere. Every husband or boyfriend believes he has become Michael Buble with their song writing skills. But should Christians celebrate it? Is there anything to celebrate?

I am going to stick my neck out on the line and say that it is ok for Christians to celebrate it. It is a day of celebrating love between two people. It is  a day where married couples may snuggle up on the sofa and remember the day they pledged their vows to each other. It is a day of being thankful for the love that couples share. Now the problem is, how much do we celebrate? Is it right for Christians to be buying love hearts and buying a tonne of Chocolate?

We have to make sure we are only celebrating the love not idolising it.

In the Bible love is a gift from God. Our love for each other, our partners and spouses is a reflection of that love. We need to remember that love comes from God. So on Valentine’s day we should remember to thank God for the love we share. Then we remove the risk of idolising love. I think because of the reason that love is a gift from God and bearing in mind Paul says we have nothing if we don’t have love it is right that we give thanks for it. The joy it brings, the happiness it brings to peoples life’s. So we should give thanks thanks that God has given us love.

The day could also be a reminder especially those who are married to think over their commitment to their partner. To think if they love their spouse as the Bible calls them to love, to love self-sacrificially, giving all to their partner. In doing this also praising God that He has blessed them with the love that they share with each other.

So I hope whatever you are doing for Valentine’s you are thanking God for those you love in your life and those who love you, remembering that the love that you share is a gift from God. You are blessed.

I hope you have enjoyed this short message on Valentine’s day.

God bless,

Gareth

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Amazing love!

And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain-
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?                                          
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

He left His Father’s throne above
So free, so infinite His grace-
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam’s helpless race:
‘Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!
‘Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!

Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray-
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.

What a fantastic hymn off adoration. This hymn by Charles Wesley is a great exaltation of the glorious Salvation found in Jesus Christ. This oh to familiar hymn is great because of its catchy tune and well known lyrics, but how often do we look at what they mean, where are their basis in Scripture and what glorious truths does it point us to.

The hymn is made up of four verses which goes through systematically the redemption of a sinner. The first verse:

And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain-
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

The first verse and indeed the Chorus tell of the great love which God has for us, so much so that he came and died for us. The great line of “For me, who him to death pursued?” this great line tells of Christ’s love for us, that he loved us even to the point of death. This line reminds us of the famous quote from Johns gospel:

John 3:16

For God so loved the World, that He sent His only Son.

This first verse of praise is summed up by God’s love for us. This self Sacrificing “Agape” love is God’s motive for setting us free from the power of Sin. The reason he came to save us through Christ is as it says in John 3:16 “For God so Loved the World.”

The second verse:

He left His Father’s throne above
So free, so infinite His grace-
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam’s helpless race:
‘Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!
‘Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!

This verse for me is all about the second line “ So free, so infinite His grace”. The salvation that we have from sin is nothing we have deserved. We are sinful and do not deserve to be saved, we choose to turn away from God until by God’s infinite grace, we turn to God and look to Him as our saviour. For inspiration from Scripture we turn to Pauls fantastic words on Grace from the book of Romans:

Romans 3:22-24 (ESV)
For there is no distinction for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.

We have all sinned, and all of us have fallen short of the the Glory of God, but God has justified by grace, he has justified us when we do not deserve it, this is done as Paul says through Jesus Christ. So once again Charles Wesley has captured a great theme of the Bible, Grace.

The third verse:

Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray-
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

The third verse, the penultimate verse brings us to the moment of redemption. the moment when one is saved, when they trust and believe in Jesus’ name. The chains which Wesley mentions here are the chains which hold us because of Sin, the hold which sin and the Devil has on our lives. Wesley talks here of when we believe, the chains fall away, we are free! The freedom which is found in Christ. The freedom of Salvation.

From Scripture we see:

 

Romans 8:2 (ESV)

For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.

We have been set free from death, by the Spirit of Life, that is the Spirit of Jesus, that means that we have been set free from death and have been set free to life. This is the glorious truth of the Gospel. That through Christ we are redeemed from death and set free in to life.

The fourth verse:

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.

Here we reach the climax of the hymn but also the climax of the story of redemption. We have reached the point of redemptions story which means as Wesley says “Bold I approach th’eternal throne” Because of Christ we are made righteous, righteous enough to enter the throne room of Heaven not because of anything which we have done but because of the works of Christ.

We see in Scripture:

Revelation 19:4-5
4And the twenty-four elders and the four living creatures fell down and worshiped God who was seated on the throne, saying, “Amen. Hallelujah!” 5And from the throne came a voice saying,“Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear him,small and great.”

This glorious picture of the throne room with which those who trust in Christ are welcomed to join in, is a picture of how this story of redemption concludes. It comes to the point where having been saved we join as one to worship and give glory to God in the throne room. Somewhere we never thought we could be, But God in his infinite grace has welcomed us to join Him in the Throne room to glorify Him.

I hope you have enjoyed this look into the story of redemption make clear through the aid of Wesley’s hymn as it points us to parts of Scripture which explain to us the great story of redemption.

God bless,

Gareth.

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I Could Do A Better Job Than That!

We can not avoid in the news today yet another disaster. Another killing. Another case of child abduction or abuse. This can and does put people off the idea of God. It is easy when you see these things to wonder “if there is a God, why is he idly  watching by? letting these things happen?”

The answer to this is Sin.

The effect of sin is bigger than the damage it has on humans, but also its impact on creation. We live in a fallen world. A world which could be perfect but because of sin is marred.

So where did this all start then, well in Genesis 3.

 

Genesis 3: 17-19

17And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; 18thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. 19By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”

In this passage then the key verses are 17-18. Because of the sin of taking from the tree of knowledge which God told Adam and Eve to not take from, God cuts them off from all the potential knowledge and power of the tree but also because of their sin informs them that certain things will not work in creation as well as they had done before “The Fall”. When God created the world he declared it good having made it perfect. But now, “Post Fall” the world is not so good, the word used in verse 17 “Cursed” meant the ground was now not considered good but instead fallen, broken.

The way to imagine all this is that now the world is sick from sin. It needs to be given a cure to the disease of sin.

Sin is the cause of all the pain and suffering, all the natural disasters, Pre-fall there is no sign of hurricanes, typhoons, tsunamis and suffering and death. It is only after sin entered the world that the world becomes broken, becomes fallen and imperfect. Soon following the first sin is the first murder, so powerful is influence of sin.

So the reason for all the shocking things that we see on the news are because of the fallen world we live in, because of the sin of our first parents Adam and Eve.

But does this mean God has done nothing about it?

No… Quite the opposite.

 

 

Romans 8: 18-23

18For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

 

God had a plan. A rescue plan for creation and for us. One in which he would give his only son up for us and creation.  God saw the effect and damage that sin had on the world. To tackle the infection of Sin, God sent his only son to be a sacrifice for our sins. He came to make us and the world right with him. Jesus came to take away the power of sin by dying on our behalf.

Jesus came to make us and creation righteous. Righteous meaning right with God.

In the passage above we see that as we look and long for the return of Christ, the one who has taken the punishment for our sins, so does creation, it “waits with eager longing”. Creation looks for a release from the bondage of sin just as much as we do.

Does all this mean then that as soon as you become a Christian there is no suffering in your life and in the world around you. Well no. Until Christ returns again there will be death, and there will be natural disasters and famine. But when Christ comes again and we are taken to Heaven we will be in a place of no more tears and no more sorrow. 

 

 

Revelation 21:1-4

1Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

This glorious picture of what life will be like when Christ returns, shows us that there is hope. There is hope and an end to suffering. We know that through Christ and only through Christ can the world be healed more importantly only through Christ can we be forgiven “healed” of our sin.

God bless.

G.

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A marriage that glorifies… and a marriage that offends…

Over recent years the gift of marriage has been disregarded or neglected by modern society. This is by either people deciding not to marry, or infidelity, money problems, abuse in the relationship or people rushing into something they don’t fully understand. This statistics say it all really:

Latest statistics (published December 2012) estimate that 42% of marriages in England and Wales end in divorce.

This simply is not the way marriage, a gift from God was meant to be. Marriage was a gift from God to us, a gift which we are to use to glorify God. The key problem lies at the fact more and more the world drifts further away from the God ordained marriage of the Bible.

We are going to look at firstly how it is God ordained and secondly how people have drifted from it.

Genesis 2:18-25

18Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called Woman,

because she was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

This is the creation of Eve the first woman and this is Adam’s reaction to the blessing of Eve’s creation. He rejoices at the fact they came from one. One became two. This fantastic way of creation that God chooses to do, is symbolically put back together in verse 24-25. These verses are based on and are all about marriage, this shows firstly Marriage is between a man and a woman and can only be between a man and a woman, because this is how God created marriage to be. This quashes the opinions that marriage can be between two people of the same sex, that is going against the creational ordinance that God put in place for marriage. So a factor in the destruction of marriage is the people that try to make it something it isn’t and never was intended to be.  But that marriage means more than is sometimes seen in the 21st century, where it might just be the joining of two people who haven’t tested the waters, instead its for two people who feel a deep love for each other. Marriage is the reconnection of a man and a woman together as one. A sign of God’s awesome power in creation and his sovereignty.

So these verses show that marriage is an ordinance put in place by God, at the start of creation. He made man and woman this way, and he made marriage to bring them together as one, and because this is God’s creational order we can not go messing around with it.

Lets now see how in some ways people are drifting from what marriage originally was made for by God.

1 Corinthians 7: 10-11

10To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11(but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

The way that people have drifted in relation to this passage, is that people are to quick to divorce, instead of seeing divorce as a last resort. They instead marry with the thought “well if it doesn’t work out, I can always divorce.” Which is the wrong thought to have when going into marriage, in fact when entering into marriage, divorce should not even be in your mind. Now i know there are perfectly justifiable reasons for divorce I.e. infidelity, abuse. But in all other situations in marriage you need to work through it and let divorce be the last resort not the first port of call. Through perseverance through trials you find you are more suited to marriage than you previously thought, but if you jump ship and divorce you can find yourself having missed the opportunity to solve the problems.

1 Timothy 3: 2-4

2Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive,

The reason for quoting this passage, is for part of verse 2. This passage is calling for husbands to be the husband to one wife. Which in this modern culture is seeming to be ignored on a more prolific basis.

25.4% of married men and 18.3% of married women and have cheated on their current partners at least once.

Most affairs start in the work-place – 38.8% of women have an affair with a work colleague in comparison to 30.7% of men.

These statistics are shocking to look at, when you see how high the figures are, you see there is a problem of infidelity in our culture, and it seems to be accepted as life now. It seems to be condoned instead of being condemned. This needs to be cracked down. You need to see that the Bible calls for monogamy from all marriages. The reality is, that this not only offends God, because of the complete disregard for his gift or marriage but also breaks the heart of the people who are cheated on.

To sum up marriage needs to be taken seriously, it needs to be a step taken by people convinced that they have met the person not that they can live with, but the person they cant live without. Marriage should glorify God, it should point people to him in the love that you show for each other. It should be an act of grace which people see the Lord Jesus Christ in. Your marriage should glorify God, not offend him. If you are a Christian i plead that you take this Biblical argument to keep marriage pure seriously. Pray for your countries government that they will keep marriage between a man and a woman, instead of “trying to find equality”.

I hope this post helped clarify a few things for you.

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God bless.

Gareth

True Love Is the Centre, True Love is at the heart, True Love is Jesus!

Before we begin, thanks for all the support and shares from the previous post. I hope and pray it encouraged you, as seeing people soak up what scripture says on marriage did for me.

After my last post, some people have posted certain comments suggesting that I ‘belittled’ marriage, because it was a biblical view of marriage. This post is not to recant of my previous post, but instead this post is to support it. At the end of my last post I spoke about how love is at the centre of a marriage and how love is the reason the wife is willing to submit to her husband, as the Church is willing to submit to Christ because of love. In this same way a husband is willing to sacrifice all for his wife out of love in the same way Christ did for the Church.

Now we have the context of the post let’s look at love. The dictionary definition is:

1. A strong feeling of affection.

2. A great interest and pleasure in something.

But that just doesn’t quite cut it for me. I have a great interest in rugby and maybe I have occasionally in the past said I loved it, but it’s not love. Not true love.

Some scientists have said that love is just a working of the emotions or an accident of evolution. It just happens. But what a mockery of love!

When you meet the person you know you are going to spend the rest of your life with, you are quite literally “head over heels” in love, you don’t think, ‘what a fantastic evolutionary mistake this is!’ No instead you say things like ‘what a reward, what a blessing!’ This is almost as though love is a gift  or something which is engrained in us. We can’t help but love.

Well let’s look what Scripture says, firstly:

1 Corinthians 13

    1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

    4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    8Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

 13So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

This passage is a famous wedding verse, ‘Love never fails’, it is a great verse for a wedding because this passage should remind couples of one thing, that love is an essential ingredient. You need love in your marriage because otherwise it will fail! This is seen in verse 1 as it says without love you are just a clanging cymbal. Love is important.

Though this love that we have for one another is great and in marriage it is because you have met the person you want to be with forever, what other reason does scripture give for loving?

    1 John 4:19

    19We love because he first loved us.

We should love all. We should love our partners in marriage because Jesus loved us first.

You may be sat there thinking, Jesus doesn’t love me, look at what has gone wrong for me. Well, can I say, Jesus does love you. He loves you so much that when He came to earth, He gave himself as a sacrifice for our sins which we all commit. Jesus was willing to give himself wholeheartedly to be a sacrifice for us. He died so that we may have new life in Him. When God sent Jesus, he looked at you and said “I can see how sinful that person is, and imperfect that person is, BUT I love them! I love them so much I will give my only Son for them!”

THAT’S LOVE!

So when John says we should love because Jesus loved us first, he is right. The love that we show to others, our husbands/wives, boyfriends/girlfriends, our family and our friends should be an outpouring on the unstoppable perfect love that Jesus has for us.

Please understand that Jesus loves you and came and died for you, so that you may have life.

Use that to go and love others.

God bless

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